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| #571 | | I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula
and Superman away.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
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| #572 | | I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.
-- Gallagher
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| #573 | | I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.
-- Princess Leia Organa
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| #574 | | I'll be Grateful when they're Dead.
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| #575 | | I'll never get off this planet.
-- Luke Skywalker
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| #576 | | I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
|
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| #577 | | I'm not a real movie star -- I've still got the same wife I started out
with twenty-eight years ago.
-- Will Rogers
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| #578 | | I've got a very bad feeling about this.
-- Han Solo
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| #579 | | I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of
its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He
loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to
look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per
second per second takes over.
II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon
characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone
pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely.
Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the
stooge's surcease.
III. Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the
speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless
cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through
the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The
threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
-- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980
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| #580 | | If *I* had a hammer, there'd be no more folk singers.
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