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| #4688 | | Tip of the Day:
Never fry bacon in the nude.
[Correction: always fry bacon in the nude; you'll learn not to burn it]
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| #4689 | | TIPS FOR PERFORMERS:
Playing cards have the top half upside-down to help cheaters.
There are a finite number of jokes in the universe.
Singing is a trick to get people to listen to music longer than
they would ordinarily.
There is no music in space.
People will pay to watch people make sounds.
Everything on stage should be larger than in real life.
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| #4690 | | today, n.:
A nice place to visit, but you can't stay here for long.
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| #4691 | | toilet toup'ee, n.:
Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
creating endless annoyance to male users.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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| #4692 | | Toni's Solution to a Guilt-Free Life:
If you have to lie to someone, it's their fault.
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| #4693 | | transfer, n.:
A promotion you receive on the condition that you leave town.
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| #4694 | | transparent, adj.:
Being or pertaining to an existing, nontangible object.
"It's there, but you can't see it"
-- IBM System/360 announcement, 1964.
virtual, adj.:
Being or pertaining to a tangible, nonexistent object.
"I can see it, but it's not there."
-- Lady Macbeth.
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| #4695 | | travel, n.:
Something that makes you feel like you're getting somewhere.
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| #4696 | | "Trust me":
Translation of the Latin "caveat emptor."
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| #4697 | | Truthful, adj.:
Dumb and illiterate.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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