 fortune index all fortunes
| | #4008 | | Forgetfulness, n.:
A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for
their destitution of conscience.
| | | #4009 | | FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN: #1
skilled oral communicator:
Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak. Talks to self.
Argues with self. Loses these arguments.
skilled written communicator:
Scribbles well. Memos are invariable illegible, except for
the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.
growth potential:
With proper guidance, periodic counselling, and remedial training,
the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.
key company figure:
Serves as the perfect counter example.
| | | #4010 | | FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN: #4
consistent:
Reviewee hasn't gotten anything right yet, and it is anticipated
that this pattern will continue throughout the coming year.
an excellent sounding board:
Present reviewee with any number of alternatives, and implement
them in the order precisely opposite of his/her specification.
a planner and organizer:
Usually manages to put on socks before shoes. Can match the
animal tags on his clothing.
| | | #4011 | | FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN: #9
has management potential:
Because of his intimate relationship with inanimate objects, the
reviewee has been appointed to the critical position of department
pencil monitor.
inspirational:
A true inspiration to others. ("There, but for the grace of God,
go I.")
adapts to stress:
Passes wind, water, or out depending upon the severity of the
situation.
goal oriented:
Continually sets low goals for himself, and usually fails
to meet them.
| | | #4012 | | Fortune's Rules for Memo Wars: #2
Given the incredible advances in sociocybernetics and telepsychology over
the last few years, we are now able to completely understand everything that
the author of an memo is trying to say. Thanks to modern developments
in electrocommunications like notes, vnews, and electricity, we have an
incredible level of interunderstanding the likes of which civilization has
never known. Thus, the possibility of your misinterpreting someone else's
memo is practically nil. Knowing this, anyone who accuses you of having
done so is a liar, and should be treated accordingly. If you *do* understand
the memo in question, but have absolutely nothing of substance to say, then
you have an excellent opportunity for a vicious ad hominem attack. In fact,
the only *inappropriate* times for an ad hominem attack are as follows:
1: When you agree completely with the author of an memo.
2: When the author of the original memo is much bigger than you are.
3: When replying to one of your own memos.
| | | #4013 | | Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
Corollary:
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except
study for that instructor's course.
| | | #4014 | | Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
| | | #4015 | | Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:
If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero.
-- David Ellis
| | | #4016 | | Fresco's Discovery:
If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
| | | #4017 | | Fried's 1st Rule:
Increased automation of clerical function
invariably results in increased operational costs.
| | | | ... ... |
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