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| #4408 | | Priority:
A statement of the importance of a user or a program. Often
expressed as a relative priority, indicating that the user doesn't
care when the work is completed so long as he is treated less
badly than someone else.
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| #4409 | | problem drinker, n.:
A man who never buys.
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| #4410 | | program, n.:
A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input
into error messages. tr.v. To engage in a pastime similar to banging
one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
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| #4411 | | program, n.:
Any task that can't be completed in one telephone call or one
day. Once a task is defined as a program ("training program,"
"sales program," or "marketing program"), its implementation
always justifies hiring at least three more people.
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| #4412 | | Programming Department:
Mistakes made while you wait.
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| #4413 | | progress, n.:
Medieval man thought disease was caused by invisible demons
invading the body and taking possession of it.
Modern man knows disease is caused by microscopic bacteria
and viruses invading the body and causing it to malfunction.
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| #4414 | | Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity.
SAMPLE: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
(1) Horses have an even number of legs.
(2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
(3) This makes a total of six legs, which certainly is an odd number of
legs for a horse.
(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
(5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
Topics is be covered in future issues include proof by:
Intimidation
Gesticulation (handwaving)
"Try it; it works"
Constipation (I was just sitting there and ...)
Blatant assertion
Changing all the 2's to _n's
Mutual consent
Lack of a counterexample, and
"It stands to reason"
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| #4415 | | prototype, n.:
First stage in the life cycle of a computer product, followed by
pre-alpha, alpha, beta, release version, corrected release version,
upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc. Unlike its successors, the
prototype is not expected to work.
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| #4416 | | Pryor's Observation:
How long you live has nothing to do
with how long you are going to be dead.
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| #4417 | | Pudder's Law:
Anything that begins well will end badly.
(Note: The converse of Pudder's law is not true.)
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