 fortune index all fortunes
| | #5176 | | The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has
always been a limited number of Human Beings.
-- Little Big Man
| | | #5177 | | The world's most avid baseball fan (an Aggie) had arrived at the
stadium for the first game of the World Series only to realize he had left
his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went
to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's
wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey,
Dave!" The Aggie looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner
of the voice -- with no success. Then he realized he had lost his place in
line and had to wait all over again. When the fan finally bought his ticket,
he was thirsty, so he went to buy a drink. The line at the concession stand
was long, too, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as
he got to the window, a voice called out, "Hey, Dave!" Again the Aggie tried
to find the voice -- but no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line
for his drink. Finally the fan went to his seat, eager for the game to begin.
As he waited for the pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey Dave!" once more.
Furious, he stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't Dave!"
| | | #5178 | | Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
| | | #5179 | | There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
| | | #5180 | | There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals
in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so
people who find nothing odd about it.
-- Calvin Trillin
| | | #5181 | | There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
| | | #5182 | | There must be at least 500,000,000 rats in the United States; of course,
I never heard the story before.
| | | #5183 | | There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessan. Seems one
day he decided to stop in downstairs for some fresh liver. Well, the owner
of the deli was a bit of a cheap-skate, and decided to pick up a little extra
change at his customer's expense. Turning quietly to the counterman, he
whispered, "Weigh down upon the swami's liver!"
| | | #5184 | | There was this New Yorker that had a lifelong ambition to be an Texan.
Fortunately, he had an Texan friend and went to him for advice. "Mike,
you know I've always wanted to be a Texan. You're a *____real* Texan, what
should I do?"
"Well," answered Mike, "The first thing you've got to do is look
like a Texan. That means you have to dress right. The second thing
you've got to do is speak in a southern drawl."
"Thanks, Mike, I'll give it a try," replied the New Yorker.
A few weeks passed and the New Yorker saunters into a store dressed
in a ten-gallon hat, cowboy boots, Levi jeans and a bandanna. "Hey, there,
pardner, I'd like some beef, not too rare, and some of them fresh biscuits,"
he tells the counterman.
The guy behind the counter takes a long look at him and then says,
"You must be from New York."
The New Yorker blushes, and says, "Well, yes, I am. How did
you know?"
"Because this is a hardware store."
| | | #5185 | | There's just something I don't like about Virginia; the state.
| | | | ... |
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