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| #5238 | | Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
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| #5239 | | Consider the following axioms carefully:
"Everything's better when it sits on a Ritz."
and
"Everything's better with Blue Bonnet on it."
What happens if one spreads Blue Bonnet margarine on a Ritz cracker? The
thought is frightening. Is this how God came into being? Try not to
consider the fact that "Things go better with Coke".
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| #5240 | | Dear Mister Language Person: I am curious about the expression, "Part of
this complete breakfast". The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old will be
watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a commercial for
a children's compressed breakfast compound such as "Froot Loops" or "Lucky
Charms", and they always show it sitting on a table next to some actual food
such as eggs, and the announcer always says: "Part of this complete
breakfast". Don't that really mean, "Adjacent to this complete breakfast",
or "On the same table as this complete breakfast"? And couldn't they make
essentially the same claim if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of
shaving cream there, or a dead bat?
Answer: Yes.
-- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
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| #5241 | | Death before dishonor. But neither before breakfast.
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| #5242 | | Did you hear that Captain Crunch, Sugar Bear, Tony the Tiger, and
Snap, Crackle and Pop were all murdered recently...
Police suspect the work of a cereal killer!
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| #5243 | | Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
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| #5244 | | Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
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| #5245 | | Do not drink coffee in early A.M. It will keep you awake until noon.
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| #5246 | | Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on: you eat BOTH sides.
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| #5247 | | Do you feel personally responsible for the world food shortage?
Every time you go to the beach, does the tide come in?
Have you ever eaten an entire moose?
Can you see your neck?
Do joggers take laps around you for exercise?
If so, welcome to National Fat Week.
This week we'll eat without guilt, and kick off our membership campaign,
...by force-feeding a box of cornstarch to a skinny person.
-- Garfield
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