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BGA fortune cookies :: humorists
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#5897I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-- Gilda Radner
#5898I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
-- Steven Wright
#5899I cannot overemphasize the importance of good grammar.

What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good
grammar. For example, I could say: "Bad grammar is the leading cause
of slow, painful death in North America," or "Without good grammar, the
United States would have lost World War II."
-- Dave Barry, "An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar"
#5900"I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now
when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ..."
-- Steven Wright
#5901I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
#5902I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that
either.
-- Jack Benny
#5903I don't get no respect.
#5904I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above
globes. They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high."
-- Bruce Baum
#5905I don't want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.
-- Woody Allen
#5906I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to
read, so I got flip-ups.
-- Steven Wright
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