 fortune index all fortunes
| | #891 | | A company is known by the men it keeps.
| | | #892 | | A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
| | | #893 | | A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
-- Dyer
| | | #894 | | A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine. It is encased
in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical, movable supports, one at
each corner. The front end of the machine, or input, contains the cutting
and grinding mechanism, utilizing a unique feedback device. Here also are
the headlights, air inlet and exhaust, a bumper and a foghorn.
At the rear, the machine carries the milk-dispensing equipment as
well as a built-in flyswatter and insect repeller. The central portion
houses a hydro- chemical-conversion unit. Briefly, this consists of four
fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network
of flexible plumbing. This assembly also contains the central heating plant
complete with automatic temperature controls, pumping station and main
ventilating system. The waste disposal apparatus is located to the rear of
this central section.
Cows are available fully-assembled in an assortment of sizes and
colors. Production output ranges from 2 to 20 tons of milk per year. In
brief, the main external visible features of the cow are: two lookers, two
hookers, four stander-uppers, four hanger-downers, and a swishy-wishy.
| | | #895 | | A feed salesman is on his way to a farm. As he's driving along at forty
m.p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running
alongside him, keeping pace with his car. He is amazed that a chicken is
running at forty m.p.h. So he speeds up to forty-five, fifty, then sixty
m.p.h. The chicken keeps right up with him the whole way, then suddenly
takes off and disappears into the distance.
The man pulls into the farmyard and says to the farmer, "You know,
the strangest thing just happened to me; I was driving along at at least
sixty miles an hour and a chicken passed me like I was standing still!"
"Yeah," the farmer replies, "that chicken was ours. You see, there's
me, and there's Ma, and there's our son Billy. Whenever we had chicken for
dinner, we would all want a drumstick, so we'd have to kill two chickens.
So we decided to try and breed a three-legged chicken so each of us could
have a drumstick."
"How do they taste?" said the farmer.
"Don't know," replied the farmer. "We haven't been able to catch
one yet."
| | | #896 | | A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
-- Robert Benchley
| | | #897 | | A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
| | | #898 | | A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while
the policeman searches you.
| | | #899 | | A man is known by the company he organizes.
-- Ambrose Bierce
| | | #900 | | A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
| | | | ... |
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