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| #1311 | | The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
-- H.L. Mencken
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| #1312 | | The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Paul Erlich
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| #1313 | | The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
-- Alan Coult
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| #1314 | | The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
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| #1315 | | The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
-- Robert Heinlein
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| #1316 | | The hardest part of climbing the ladder of success is getting through
the crowd at the bottom.
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| #1317 | | The hieroglyphics are all unreadable except for a notation on the back,
which reads "Genuine authentic Egyptian papyrus. Guaranteed to be at
least 5000 years old."
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| #1318 | | The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic
devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers,
where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers.
With their devices thus permanently destroyed, consumers would then be free
to go out and buy new devices, rather than have to fritter away years of
their lives trying to have the old ones repaired at so-called "factory
service centers," which in fact consist of two men named Lester poking at
the insides of broken electronic devices with cheap cigars and going,
"Lookit all them WIRES in there!"
-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
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| #1319 | | The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex,
no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.
-- Harry V. Wade
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| #1320 | | The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
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| ... ... |
