 fortune index all fortunes
| | #10101 | | A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high
probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane, realized that
the probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low.
Now, whenever he flies, he carries a bomb with him.
| | | #10102 | | A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
| | | #10103 | | A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
| | | #10104 | | According to convention there is a sweet and a bitter, a hot and a cold,
and according to convention, there is an order. In truth, there are atoms
and a void.
-- Democritus, 400 B.C.
| | | #10105 | | According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are
totally worthless.
| | | #10106 | | ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen
der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht
fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands
in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!!
| | | #10107 | | Actually, the probability is 100% that the elevator will be going in the
right direction. Proof by induction:
N=1. Trivially true, since both you and the elevator only have one
floor to go to.
Assume true for N, prove for N+1:
If you are on any of the first N floors, then it is true by the
induction hypothesis. If you are on the N+1st floor, then both you
and the elevator have only one choice, namely down. Therefore,
it is true for all N+1 floors.
QED.
| | | #10108 | | After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
| | | #10109 | | After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
| | | #10110 | | After the Children of Israel had wandered for thirty-nine years
in the wilderness, Ferdinand Feghoot arrived to make sure that they would
finally find and enter the Promised Land. With him, he brought his
favorite robot, faithful old Yewtoo Artoo, to carry his gear and do
assorted camp chores.
The Israelites soon got over their initial fear of the robot and,
as the months passed, became very fond of him. Patriarchs took to
discussing abtruse theological problems with him, and each evening the
children all gathered to hear the many stories with which he was programmed.
Therefore it came as a great shock to them when, just as their journey was
ending, he abruptly wore out. Even Feghoot couldn't console them.
"It may be true, Ferdinand Feghoot," said Moses, "that our friend
Yewtoo Artoo was soulless, but we cannot believe it. He must be properly
interred. We cannot embalm him as do the Egyptians. Nor have we wood for
a coffin. But I do have a most splendid skin from one of Pharoah's own
cattle. We shall bury him in it."
Feghoot agreed. "Yes, let this be his last rusting place."
"Rusting?" Moses cried. "Not in this dreadful dry desert!"
"Ah!" sighed Ferdinand Feghoot, shedding a tear, "I fear you do not
realize the full significance of Pharoah's oxhide!"
-- Grendel Briarton "Through Time & Space With Ferdinand
Feghoot!"
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