 fortune index all fortunes
| | #10921 | | On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the
same moment -- halftime.
| | | #10922 | | Once there was this conductor see, who had a bass problem. You see, during
a portion of Beethovan's Ninth Symphony in which there are no bass violin
parts, one of the bassists always passed a bottle of scotch around. So,
to remind himself that the basses usually required an extra cue towards the
end of the symphony, the conductor would fasten a piece of string around the
page of the score before the bass cue. As the basses grew more and more
inebriated, two of them fell asleep. The conductor grew quite nervous (he
was very concerned about the pitch) because it was the bottom of the ninth;
the score was tied and the basses were loaded with two out.
| | | #10923 | | One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
| | | #10924 | | One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
| | | #10925 | | Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the
maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out
in case of emergency. As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty
good baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know
for sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging
over from, say, right field, to deal with it. She's been on the team for
three seasons now, but the males still don't trust her. They know, deep in
their souls, that if she had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
an infant's life, she probably would elect to save the infant's life, without
ever considering whether there were men on base.
-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
| | | #10926 | | P-K4
| | | #10927 | | Pedro Guerrero was playing third base for the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1984
when he made the comment that earns him a place in my Hall of Fame. Second
baseman Steve Sax was having trouble making his throws. Other players were
diving, screaming, signaling for a fair catch. At the same time, Guerrero,
at third, was making a few plays that weren't exactly soothing to manager
Tom Lasorda's stomach. Lasorda decided it was time for one of his famous
motivational meetings and zeroed in on Guerrero: "How can you play third
base like that? You've gotta be thinking about something besides baseball.
What is it?"
"I'm only thinking about two things," Guerrero said. "First, `I
hope they don't hit the ball to me.'" The players snickered, and even
Lasorda had to fight off a laugh. "Second, `I hope they don't hit the ball
to Sax.'"
-- Joe Garagiola, "It's Anybody's Ball Game"
| | | #10928 | | Repel them. Repel them. Induce them to relinquish the spheroid.
-- Indiana University football cheer
| | | #10929 | | Reporter: "What would you do if you found a million dollars?"
Yogi Berra: "If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
| | | #10930 | | Rick: "How can you close me up? On what grounds?"
Renault: "I'm shocked! Shocked! To find that gambling is going on here."
Croupier (handing money to Renault): "Your winnings, sir."
Renault:"Oh. Thank you very much."
-- Casablanca
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