 fortune index all fortunes
| | #9741 | | Once is happenstance,
Twice is coincidence,
Three times is enemy action.
-- Auric Goldfinger
| | | #9742 | | Once there was a marine biologist who loved dolphins. He spent his
time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day,
in a fit of inventive genius, he came up with a serum that would make
dolphins live forever!
Of course he was ecstatic. But he soon realized that in order to mass
produce this serum he would need large amounts of a certain compound that was
only found in nature in the metabolism of a rare South American bird. Carried
away by his love for dolphins, he resolved that he would go to the zoo and
steal one of these birds.
Unbeknownst to him, as he was arriving at the zoo an elderly lion was
escaping from its cage. The zookeepers were alarmed and immediately began
combing the zoo for the escaped animal, unaware that it had simply lain down
on the sidewalk and had gone to sleep.
Meanwhile, the marine biologist arrived at the zoo and procured his
bird. He was so excited by the prospect of helping his dolphins that he
stepped absentmindedly stepped over the sleeping lion on his way back to his
car. Immediately, 1500 policemen converged on him and arrested him for
transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
| | | #9743 | | Once upon a time there was a kingdom ruled by a great bear. The peasants
were not very rich, and one of the few ways to become at all wealthy was
to become a Royal Knight. This required an interview with the bear. If
the bear liked you, you were knighted on the spot. If not, the bear would
just as likely remove your head with one swat of a paw. However, the family
of these unfortunate would-be knights was compensated with a beautiful
sheepdog from the royal kennels, which was itself a fairly valuable
possession. And the moral of the story is:
The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that
hit you.
| | | #9744 | | Once you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
| | | #9745 | | One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
| | | #9746 | | One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
| | | #9747 | | One organism, one vote.
| | | #9748 | | One planet is all you get.
| | | #9749 | | One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
| | | #9750 | | Only two kinds of witnesses exist. The first live in a neighborhood where
a crime has been committed and in no circumstances have ever seen anything
or even heard a shot. The second category are the neighbors of anyone who
happens to be accused of the crime. These have always looked out of their
windows when the shot was fired, and have noticed the accused person standing
peacefully on his balcony a few yards away.
-- Sicilian police officer
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